Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize