is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
