Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize