Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
