gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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