I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
