my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
