I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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