is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My cat gives me a boner
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
