I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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