I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
