The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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