You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
