so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
the raccoons are back...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
