Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
