He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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