I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
