I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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