Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize