My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm at about main and main street
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
