nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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