I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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