the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
