I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
