Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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