I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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