just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
