Ambien. No doubt about it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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