none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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