I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
