I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your penis caused this!
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