he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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