so that wasnt chicken after all
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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