Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
