Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
