You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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