WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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