Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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