Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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