oh god the rape fog is back!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
