I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
