If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
