her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
