Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
