Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize