I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
