well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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