And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
