It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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