I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
