Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
