Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
