Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
please come you make the beer taste better
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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