Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
