Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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