happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The air taste purple.
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