Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
