Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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