awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
