i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
