I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
