i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
