$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
