Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
