and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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