i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
