he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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