but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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