I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
