I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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