I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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