He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
